Reframing: This is the term used to describe the placing of a new frame of reference around our thoughts. "My friend is usually late, if she really liked and respected me she would not keep me hanging around" might become: "This is part of her easy-going nature that I like so much. She is like that with everyone and doesn't mean any harm by it."

Use the L.I.F.E. model to transform emotionally fraught situations:

• L -Listen to the other person attentively and allow them the space to either confirm or modify your frame of reference by feeding back to them what you understand the situation to be.
• I -"I" statements and tell the person just what it is that is making you angry, without blaming them and escalating the conflict. For example: "I feel angry when you make arrangements without telling me and expect me to go along or get left behind. I feel as if you have no respect for me". Rather than 'You have no respect for me, it's no wonder I get so angry".
• F -Freedom. Allow people the freedom to deal with their problems as they see fit. It's no good getting cross because they can't see the wisdom of your approach; it just makes things worse.
• E -Everyone's a winner! Continue to negotiate until both sides feel they have been heard and have got something out of the situation. Making someone feel a loser is only storing up future troubles. 

Using the L.I.F.E. model will give you a framework to help you to address things that make you angry quickly without escalating the situation into a conflict. 'Stewing' in your angry feelings, or 'swallowing' them in order to pretend that it doesn't matter, can lead to the development of depression and feelings of hopelessness, or 'temper explosions' which in extreme cases can be linked to violent outbursts.

At various times, all of us have experienced distress or felt overwhelmed, sometimes because of certain events, and at other times for no specific reason known to us. And very often, we do need help. If you identify with any of the following statements, you should definitely seek professional advice.

· Most of the time these days, I don’t feel like myself.

· I’ve lost someone (or something) important to me and I’m having trouble coping with it.

· Something terrible happened to me and I can’t seem to put it behind me.

· I feel sad and/or angry most of the time.

· I feel unwell but the doctor says that I’m healthy.

· I’m sleeping much less/more than I usually do and it’s affecting my life.

· I don’t enjoy the things that I used to earlier.

· I have some disturbing thoughts that I cannot seem to control.

· I’m having trouble concentrating.

· I’m trying to change something about myself but I’m not able to.

· I have recurrent stress and anxiety about my academic work.

· I feel socially isolated and disconnected.

· I find it hard to manage my daily life without consuming certain substances.

· I feel that I am on social networking and/or gaming sites more than I should be.

Depression is an illness characterized by persistent sadness and a loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy, accompanied by an inability to carry out daily activities, for at least two weeks.

· In addition, people with depression normally have several of the following: a loss of energy; a change in appetite; sleeping more or less; anxiety; reduced concentration; indecisiveness; restlessness; feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or hopelessness; and thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

· Something that can happen to anybody.

· Not a sign of weakness.

· Treatable, with talking therapies or antidepressant medication or a combination of these.

· If any you relate to any of the above mentioned content you need to make an appointment with a psychological counsellor.

Feeling lonely?

Loneliness

It is a cliché that we can feel lonely - even particularly lonely - in a crowd. Unfortunately, it is one that is only too true and all too common at university. Here, surrounded by people of a similar age and, supposedly, with lots in common we can nevertheless feel wretchedly isolated and awkward. This is made worse by the sight of others who seem perfectly at ease, are rapidly making friends and are becoming embedded in groups from which you feel excluded or only tolerated on the margins. Feelings of Loneliness Occur to us all - Sometimes we are thrown into that sense of uniqueness and the awareness that no-one can ever fully know and understand us. In fact, occasionally we may feel that we do not even understand ourselves! This is because we are constantly changing in response to the situations and relationships that we develop.

Ways of Coping

Loneliness is a normal part of human experience. It can even have positive effects, if it does not last for too long - for example, it can lead to the discovery and development of personal resources and, therefore, to a greater sense of your own independence. If it becomes long-lasting, however, it can cause great distress and hurt. Here are some suggestions for ways you may find helpful in breaking the pattern of your loneliness:

• Self-Acceptance: You may blame yourself for your loneliness wishing you were different ('If only I were ...'); it can be helpful to realize that it may be your situation you need to change, rather than your personality or appearance. You are all right, the situation isn't - and you can do something about that.

Making Friends

• Accept your own preferences: You may prefer one-to-one friendships to group contact; you may prefer quieter meeting places to pubs or clubs.
• Choose activities you are genuinely interested in: Whatever these are (societies, sports, voluntary work, arts, music, etc.), you will meet people there with whom you have something in common.
• Risk taking the initiative: Your reticence can be misunderstood by others as aloofness or unfriendliness - for example, if you are feeling lonely in a lecture, avoiding eye-contact and pretending you're fine by absorbing yourself in a book or paper, you may be putting others off from contacting you. If you stop and look around you, you may well find others sitting on their own, who will welcome a smile from you and, perhaps, an offer of coffee in the break.
• Build upon your relationship by being a good friend: Listening carefully, being responsive and showing understanding and even challenging sometimes, if it feels appropriate. (Deepening a few relationships can be more rewarding than pursuing many casual ones.)

Sources of Help

A research done showed that students, who had been feeling lonely, said that the greatest help was talking about their feelings to someone who listened, cared, understood and accepted them. So if you look around yourself, you can always find your batch mates, seniors, counselling service members, your parents, faculty, who are always ready to help you. Don't have any hesitation in talking to them and taking their help. ·

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-mental-health ·

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-loneliness

Exam Stress

Examination Stress is an uneasiness or apprehension experienced before, during, or after an examination. It is very common among college and university students. But some students find that this interferes with their learning to such an extent that it can reduce the efficiency of performance.

How to handle exam stress?

In order to help you to reduce this stress up to a manageable level, we give here practical guidelines to handle the time leading up to examinations, as well as some tips about the examinations themselves.

Last few days before the exam

If you haven't geared up for the examinations yet and are wondering how to start, please read on, the tips given here might be of help. Considering the seemingly huge amount of course material to be covered in the limited span of time, you might find yourself in a state of tension and restlessness. But looking at it the other way round, this restlessness simply shows your concern towards the examinations and the fact that you have started caring for your academics; and this is a definitely the sign of a good start. Some of the points you should keep in mind are:

• You can start with listing down all the topics that have been covered in the class, collecting all the lecture notes and then prioritizing them according to the level of difficulty and importance. 
• Note down important points/concepts from each course in a separate notebook, to help you revise easily. 
• Keep attending lectures. 
• Do not miss classes just because you need more time to prepare for the exams. 
• Keep boosting up your confidence.
• Never let negative thoughts get into your mind.
  
• Don't compare yourself with others and avoid the company of students who you feel might de-motivate you.
  
• Don't waste more time in regretting that you haven't yet started the preparations. Remember that you can't go back to make a better beginning, but you can always start now and make a better ending.

On the day of the exam

The following points might come in handy at the final day:

Before the exam:

• Look after yourself - for example, get enough rest, eat reasonably, take a bath and be fresh. 
• o Arrive at the exam hall comfortably in time; use these few minutes to do some simple relaxation and breathing exercises.         

During the exam

• Start answering the paper with the question that you know the best.
• Do not rush through the test; wear a watch and check it frequently as you pace yourself.
• Focus on answering the question, not on your grade or others' performance.
• Relax yourself; tell yourself I can be anxious later, now is the time to take the exam.
  
• If allowed, drink water or go to the bathroom.

After the exam:

• Your attitude after the exam is also important especially if you have another exam. The following points will be helpful to you to maintain your calm and composure after the exam.
• Reward yourself for having tried.
• It is a good idea to decide what you are going to do after the exam. You can leave others to do the post-mortem of the paper outside the Lecture Hall, while you go and do something more enjoyable as already planned or take rest.
•  If you have another exam and you are not satisfied with your performance in the first exam, you may get stressed and spoil your other exam as well. In such a case:

1. Realize that you cannot change what has already happened, have confidence in how you performed. There is no point discussing your paper with anyone, just forget it. 
2. Just relax and sleep for some time, say, half-an-hour and then start fresh for the next exam

Resources: · https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/school-college-and-work/school-college/exam-stress/

Are you an addict? Assess through CAGE criteria:

C –Is CUTTING OFF easy?

A-you get ANNOYED when someone ask about it?

G-are you at times GUILTY of it?

E-Is it the first thing you think of after you open your eyes? (EYEOPENER)

If your answer was yes for two or more, you might fall into the category of an addict.

Look for professional help.

Addiction to any substance or behavior

• Your studies may be suffering with difficulties in concentration, mood swings and having to contend with feelings of guilt. 
• Relationships with others may be dwindling, and your outlook and lifestyle restricted by a need to consume alcohol. 
• Gradually decrease: 

Here are some ideas that may help you to cut down:

• Keep a diary to clarify your pattern of use and quantities. Cutting down as soon as possible works best if you set limits for yourself, that you feel you might reasonably stick to.
• Identify those occasions, times of day, companions, or moods when you are prone to use. Try to avoid them as much as possible.
• It might also help to try to cut down your intake with the support of a group. Increase your participation in your social circle.

Help Others:

Helping others is the most noble of all the other works. It can be extremely distressing if someone you care about is in any form of addiction. Although you can encourage and support them to make changes, it is they themselves who must ultimately decide (and be prepared) to do the changing. Some suggestions to help are:

• Allow space for them to talk about anything that may be bothering them.
• Rather than labelling them, focus on the effects that particular addiction is having on others, as well as on themselves.
• Make clear what behaviour is unacceptable to you and avoid arguments.

The following are common thoughts and feelings associated with suicide:

• Extreme self hatred:"You don't deserve to live."
• Personalized hopelessness:"Nothing matters any more. You should just kill yourself.
• "Pushing away friends and family:"What's wrong with you? Look at all this trouble you’re causing the people who love you."
• Isolation:"Just be by yourself. You are better off alone."
• Thoughts of not belonging:"You don't fit in anywhere."
• Thoughts of being a burden to others: “You’re just dragging everyone down. You are such a burden; they would be better off without you. "

The following are common behaviors that indicate suicide risk:

• Past attempts.
• Disrupted sleep patterns
• Increased anxiety and agitation.
• Outbursts of rage or low frustration tolerance.
• Risk taking behavior.
• Increased alcohol or drug use.
• Sudden mood changes for the better.
• Any talk or indication of suicidal ideation or intent, planning or actual actions taken to procure a means.

Take these immediate actions

Step #1: Promise not to do anything right now

Even though you are in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: “I will wait 24 hours and won’t do anything drastic during that time.” Or, wait a week.

Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There is no deadline, no one’s pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action.

Step #2: Avoid drugs and alcohol

Suicidal thoughts can become even stronger if you have taken drugs or alcohol. It is important to not use nonprescription drugs or alcohol when you feel hopeless or are thinking about suicide.

Step #3: Make your home safe

Remove things you could use to hurt yourself, such as pills, knives, razors, or firearms. If you are unable to do so, go to a place where you can feel safe. If you are thinking of taking an overdose, give your medicines to someone who can return them to you one day at a time as you need them.

Step #4: Don’t keep these suicidal feelings to yourself

Many of us have found that the first step to coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings is to share them with someone we trust. It may be a family member, friend, therapist, member of the clergy, teacher, family doctor, coach, or an experienced counselor at the end of a helpline. Find someone you trust and let them know how bad things are. Don’t let fear, shame, or embarrassment prevent you from seeking help. And if the first person you reach out to doesn’t seem to understand, try someone else. Just talking about

how you got to this point in your life can release a lot of the pressure that’s building up and help you find a way to cope.

Step #5: Take hope – people DO get through this

Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this. There is a very good chance that you are going to live through these feelings, no matter how much self-loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing. Just give yourself the time needed and don’t try to go it alone.

Following are some resources

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm

https://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/things-to-do-besides-self-harm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0EV_6UPZmA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0-lUWKywJU